Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am available for nakedness
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
