I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
