4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
