we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
