How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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