i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
