I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
