so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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