I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
