so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
