I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
