We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
