I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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