He uses pillows to masturbate.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
