Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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