Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You ruined the universe
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
