ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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