So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
