I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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