After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
