he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
