"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
