Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
