would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
