Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
