just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
