Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
