My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
