I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
