Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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