I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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