I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
