Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
