I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm both gender and math confused
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
