the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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