Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
