Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
