I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
