My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
