So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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