she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
