Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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