You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
