Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
