If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
