hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
