I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
