Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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