Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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