It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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