Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
