I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
