My friends, they love my intelligence
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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