Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This is classic penis vs brain.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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