i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
