I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
