i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
