My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
