there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
