Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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